MTHFR or Mother F'r?

Tests, Tests and more tests...

I must say getting the results of many of these tests was a major relief. I am slightly disappointed with the way it all played out and I was certainly annoyed by the time I finally demanded that the actual doctor call me to discuss the results. At that point I had her undivided attention and a 25 minute phone call. It was glorious. I am disappointed that the results of the genetics are not yet back on our little one, however she implied it should be soon. From her end of things it looked at though it was sent to another location for further testing. Which I guess could be good or bad. Good as in they are being thorough, bad because something could have been terribly genetically wrong. Either way, I will be happy with no news, or any news. All I really hope for is the gender, and she seemed pretty confident that we will be able to know. So I took the list I made in a previous post and applied the apporpriate test results next to it. 

Karyotype - Normal ( I am happy to know that I am genetically sound, Hubby will have his done come the first of June.)
All Autoimmunity disorders - Normal
Lupus - Negative
Thyroid - Normal
Prothrombin - Normal
Antithrombim - Normal
Homocyseine - Normal 
Vit D - Normal
Factor V - Normal
Some type of active diabetes tests - Normal
Blood clotting disorders - Normal

Protein S - Not Tested yet

Protein C - Not Tested yet
Prolactin - Not yet tested

All Antibody tests - Some Normal / Some Not Tested yet

MTHFR - POSITIVE!!!!!

I have never been more relieved to know that there is something that is potentially causing our losses. So what is MTHFR you ask?  If you're asking my best friend A, she said it's a Mother F'r (MTHFR). But if you ask Dr Google you will find a never ceasing wealth of information. From my understanding here is what I have learned (and please feel free to correct me if I am wrong.... Seriously, still learning here!!)

MTHFR (click here too for more information..) is a gene mutation on the enzymes of your blood. What this means is that your body becomes incapable of converting folic acid into its biologically active form (I-Methylfolate). In addition, depending on what kind of mutation you have (apparently there are a few different types, of what kind I am unsure and I will hopefully answer why soon), it can cause elevated homocysteine which then can cause (TA DA) blood clotting! Again, there are plenty of resources out there that might better explain this issue. I will add that this is actually a very common mutation (1 in 4 have some form of mutation, and yes it is hereditary). Again depending on the mutation, your treatment and protocols may vary. You'd really never know you have this mutation unless you were hitting some road blocks such as infertility and repeat miscarriages. It can also  cause many other issues.

As many people know Folic Acid is vital in gestational development. It supports healthy brain development and without it, or without the proper amount your baby could develop many neural tube defects such as Spina Bifida, and malnutrition for the baby. It is vital that a woman who is planning to become pregnant or is pregnant has the best nutrition possible and receives the best supplements possible to support a healthy pregnancy. Although I eat healthy and take my prenatals and live a pretty healthy life style the underlying issue is that the baby(babies) was not able to absorb what he/she needed to continue growth. 

I could have fallen into a puddle of tears. Some have said that results don't matter and I agree, but I also believe the Lord has given my husband and I some medical resources to give me and our future pregnancies the best care possible. I am thrilled to know that something like this, that is actually quite common, is treatable. 

However, if you happened to meander your way over to any MTHFR resources you will also see that not only is it treatable with many different options, it's also quite a controversial diagnosis. Some progressive doctors are more than happy to add a few concoctions of medicines into the mix and some will simply disregard the diagnosis and deem it invalid because of the lack of research and not enough information to support the theory of it being linked to repeat loss. However, in most resources that I have read 99% of them list infertility and repeat pregnancy loss as legitimate symptoms and side affects of this mutation. My doctor happens to be one who chooses not to treat any form of the mutation, although she recommended again, to start baby aspirin now and continue through child bearing years. How that makes sense, baffles me. As baby aspirin happens to be one of the many drugs they can use to treat this Mother F'r (MTHFR).  

I happen to be on the fence about switching OB's and finding one who will really take an honest look at the type of mutation I have, and treat it accordingly as to avoid ANOTHER loss. I really love where I am at most of the time. I have also considered following up with my Primary doctor and see what her knowledge has to offer my. At this point I am actually willing to do whatever it takes to keep a baby until 40 weeks gestation. If that means I take a different form of folic acid, switch up my prenatals, and take a baby aspirin everyday, I'll do it. But what if my mutation requires a little bit more of an aggressive treatment, such as heparin and levonox injections as well as the other options. There are so many different ways to tackle it. I guess as we go along and continue getting our tests back we'll just keep making the best decisions for us and what we feel God has for us. If that means I find a new Doctor, then I know He will provide. If that means I stay, I know He will provide. I may have to advocate for myself a little more, and push a little until I feel comfortable with the direction. But, I do know He will provide all our needs as they come. 

I am a little disappointed that she would agree to test for this mutation, then neglect to treat it. Especially with my history. So today, I decided to be proactive for myself. Yep, I bought baby aspirin, and you bet your bottom dollar I spent the extra money for a different form of folic acid. It wont hurt me nor will it hurt future babies. We walked into the local Super Supplements and we walked around baffled at all the different options, asked a quick question with the gentleman at the front and made our selection. Upon check out I was really concerned that just maybe I wasn't buying the right one. I expressed my concerns to my dear hubby and a different guy at the register asked me a few questions. I mentioned it was for a MTHFR Mutation and he was quick to show us exactly which one I needed. You could tell he was a little passionate about this, and incredibly knowledgable. Perhaps, with how common it is, his wife, or even him, has been diagnosed with MTHFR. What was even cooler, he said his dream in life is to see that all prenatal vitamins start to contain the methlyfolate that is easily converted in your body. C and I walked away incredibly impressed and even more thankful that he took the time to share with us his dream and help us find what was right!

Back into Limbo land again, but at least I have a little something to hang onto. Driving in the car I clung to my new vitamins and cried. One step closer and I knew that the guy who helped us check out was a gift from God. At that moment even C said, "Babe, we're one step closer to our baby". 

I am relieved to have something. I am excited to learn something new. I am thankful for the resources we have available when God give them in His timing.  

Refinement by Fire

As many of our friends and family know C and I have been planning to purchase a home. This was in the plans all along. From day one of our marriage we have been working towards getting out of an apartment and getting into a home! We've been so close to it for several months! Earlier this year we were presented with an amazing opportunity that fit our budget, our needs, and our circumstances.

A beautiful modest home that has a backyard to die for! A fence to keep the kids in the back and the potential dog from running away. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and dreams of our expanding family. As most of you have read/heard our dreams changed. We lost our third baby. Although we still desired that home our dreams started changing and taking new form.

The night of my procedure I was resting at home scrolling through Facebook I saw a post on the woman's (I have been very close to this family for many years) timeline that we were buying from. It read something similar to, " I am so sorry to hear about your home, if there is anything you need let us know". I quickly followed over to her page and learned that some type fire had occurred. I immediately text her and asked if everyone was ok and what was going on. About a half hour later she called me.

Their home had had a house fire and lost just about everything. Her and I wept on the phone together. I couldn't even believe it. My heart felt like it was swimming in my stomach. Thankful for the anesthesia and pain medicine I decided to think about it later. My heart was shattered for them. Losing everything just seems unbearable. Thankfully their children were unharmed!

Yes, I have permission to share the photos.

These pictures are from the room where the fire started. This room has major significance to me. While our dreams of this being our home were forming, I of course started day dreaming and planning for a baby. I couldn't wait to know the gender and decorate. Matter of fact, C and I had even almost agreed on a color to paint! This was the room where I imagined I would sneak in and take a peek at our little one sleeping in his/her crib. I had dreams that a changing table would be here and the crib would be there. Seeing as this is where the actual fire started my heart crumbled. My dreams had literally burned.

Lord, not only has our baby(babies) been taken away, and our dreams and plans have majorly shifted, numerous times this year. But, this? This felt like insult to injury. As I started processing all that has happened in a short 24hrs I was immediately embarrassed and ashamed of my selfish feelings. This wasn't even our house yet! This didn't house any of our personal belongings, or hang artwork from the kids off the refrigerator. I didn't have recipes stashed into cupboards and my favorite cookie sheet in the bottom of the oven storage bin. I don't have any children that lost not only their friends, Mabel and Dragie, but all their toys and clothes and homework.

I was so ashamed. As I processed I realized that its perfectly acceptable for me to be mourning with that family and mourning for my family in this entire situation. Our two families were so incredibly tethered together that day that it would be impossible to separate our stories. Although totally different, both of our circumstances completely intertwine. 

So as we all move forward H (the wife of the couple we are buying from) and I can't help but notice the Restoration opportunity God has here. Refinement by fire in the works here! Not only will He be unfolding restoration in our spiritual and emotional lives, but He has the opportunity to show off in such a tangible way the restoration that can come when the enemy tries to steal everything! As this entire journey unfolds not only will you get to see what happens in me emotionally and spiritually, but I am also going to document the remodel process of this too, as much as I can. For now, C and I don't actually own the home so I will only be sharing what is ok with both parties involved. The plan is to keep moving forward and none of us know exactly what that looks like. We are all pressing into the Lord and trusting that something good HAS to come from this. 

For me, this process has been incredibly messy, incredibly painful, and even more confusing that I can even begin to explain. It's been hard on my emotions, my faith, my body (ugh, it's been so hard), and it's been hard on our marriage. I keep clinging and holding on for dear life knowing that something will come of this, and believing that there is a purpose. I could write a whole new post just about all that! That's for next time :)

Stay tuned for updates, it will be a long process but I am excited to watch what happens and I hope you are too!

On another note check out the new addition to my tattoo collection.... Which I would like to say is my last but I can't/won't make any promises:

I love this verse, it is my most favorite. I love that it is now in my flesh to remind me that my flesh and my sin nature and selfish ambitions must become less and decrease as I strive to become more like Jesus. And also a reminder that Jesus must become more and more in me and His kingdom can increase and invade! I love it. I am very happy with it.