The 24th

I always seem to wake up on the 24th of each month a little heavy. Like some unexpected, but by now it's kind of expected, baggage decided to show up, or an extra thousand pounds have set up shop on my chest.

Typically I tell myself:

"Morgan, this is ridiculous, you should really move on."

"Seriously? You're still upset about this?"

"Wow, get a grip Morgan, it's been like 6 months since the first and like 4 since the last...

Get over it."

 

"Come on.... Give it a rest. At least, you knew there would problems, you should have been more prepared."

 

At least....But....Maybe...

 

You know, the enemy has a hay day trying to drag me down with the maybes and should haves and buts...Oh, and my personal favorite, At least. I could list a million examples of what I have heard, what I have been told, and an even longer list of the lies the enemy plants into this head of mine. I don't want to give him any credit though. That jerk face has no business being here. 

2 Corinthians 3:17

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

 

With out fail I always feel a little heavy. Even subconsciously I think my brain starts to prepare for sadness the whole week. It's like these chains have decided to never leave, a form of bondage I'm not quite ready to completely let go of. Matter of fact, I don't even know how to let it go. Perhaps maybe it's just my permanent limp. The thorn in my side. The never healing, bleeding wound from my heart.

Do you ever let it go? Is it just time that passes and suddenly it doesn't hurt as much, or the pain subsides? 

I know for certain Jesus died and fought this battle for me long long ago, and I know for certain He did so to set me free of my chains, of any form of bondage. But why haven't I truly been freed. Some days it really feels like no big deal, it just tends to creep in on the 24th. 

Maybe my redemption is waiting for me on a 24th of some given month... Maybe my healing will come a'blazin on a 24th and that day will be made right, I can only hope.

I've heard so many times that as Christians we shouldn't walk around with our heads down, or depressed. Which I totally agree (to an extent). We should never allow our emotions to swallow us up and eat us alive. What about in death? How do we not feel the burdens of sadness and sorrow without it showing... until we're healed? Of course I have Joy! I have Hope- simply because I know He loves me, and has redeemed me. But does that completely invalidate the pain and suffering we find ourselves in? 

Apparently I have a lot of questions today. It's the 24th, and for this season I'm in, I don't particularly care for the 24th. 

 

So, as I press in just a little more to my Father, I will come asking boldly for healing, I will come with expectations of peace and comfort. I come with expectations that as I rely on His word, I will be set free from this bondage. Because He is good I know that His desire is to bless me. Because He is good, I can trust that when I take from Him the gifts He longs to give me I will feel complete and whole, not lacking anything. 

So long chains, so long heaviness, so long burdens. I hope to not NEVER see you again next month, because you are not welcome.

So, that's all. That's what today happens to look like for me, unfortunately. Tomorrow is a new day. Yet even still, today is a gift and I have much to be thankful for.